Grace, Community, and Lots and Lots of Snow!

We are in the midst of a 3 day snow storm in my town. As the snow continues to fall and the plows get backed up I am finding the grace that comes with slowing down. And it is leading me to find flow in my day.

There is so much snow I have to drive slower. I have to take time to shovel multiple times a day, which means I move my body and feel my strength. I have had to reach out to others and check in. I have laughed more just because things are joyful. I have taken the time to look around and see the beauty that surrounds me, even when my physical visibility is nil.

Today see if you can find your Friday flow by noticing. Pay attention to what is happening around you and take a moment to notice those you are with. See if you can really see them – be present to them without judgment or expectation. Notice something new in your environment you’ve never noticed before. Just slow down, take a breath, and be thankful you were able to breathe. Just notice and see what you find today.

The Recovery 2.0 Conference

I have been attending these online conferences and sending clients to attend for the last few years. He’s always got a great line up of speakers that speak to all areas of healthy regulation – food, sleep, exercise, social, psychology, medical, trauma – all sorts of great info.

Even if you aren’t in recovery from drugs, alcohol, or any of the “Big 6” –  we are all in recovery from something. Here’s the link to sign up for this free conference, you attend from the comfort of your own home or office or car or trail run or where ever you happen to be.

http://recovery2point0conference.com

SURVIVE ADDICTION.
HEAL MIND, BODY AND SPIRIT.

THRIVE IN YOUR LIFE.
25 recovery experts share cutting-edge information.

5 Things Emotionally Stable People Don’t Do

So I was reading away and came across this gem in my inbox. These 5 behaviors are keys to living a life worth living and chock full of healthy coping when things don’t go your way. I couldn’t help but reach out to see if I could re-post them here for you. Read and Practice Away!

http://www.marcandangel.com

Marc and Angel are the authors of 1000 Little Things Happy Successful
People Do Differently. Here’s their amazing list of 5 Things Emotionally
Stable People…. If you enjoy this, be sure to visit their website for
more inspirational advice and tips for life.


 

From Marc and Angel Hack Life:

Recently I received an email (creatively) titled €œEmotionally Stable
People Don’t Do This from a reader named Karl. In it he describes
a rather chaotic emotional roller coaster that he’€™s been on for the
past few years, personally and professionally. And then he wrapped up
his email with this:

€œTruly, I love your book and blog. Both have helped me get through
some seriously tough times. But even though I’ve made progress, I
often struggle with my emotions. I persistently let every little
problem get the best of me. So I was wondering, what do emotionally
stable people NOT do? I’€™m asking because, even though I’€™ve made
progress, I know I’€™m still holding on to old habits that are holding
me back. I need some reminders of what NOT to do!

There are a million ways to answer Karl’s question (especially as it
relates to his unique life situation), but since emotional stability is
something all of us struggle with at times, I figured I’d take a stab
at answering his question in a general sense, for all of us. Here’€™s
what emotionally stable people don’t do:

1. They don‘€™t take other people’€™s behavior personally.
It’s easy to feel unloved and unwanted when people aren’€™t able to
communicate and connect with you in the way you expect. And it’s so
hard not to internalize that disconnection as a reflection on your
worth. But the truth is, the way other people behave and function is
not about you.

Most people are so caught up in their own problems, responsibilities
and struggles, that the thought of asking you how you are doing
doesn’t even cross their mind. They aren’t being mean or uncaring they are just busy and a bit self-centered at times. And that’€™s
OK. It’s not evidence of some fundamental flaw on your part. It
doesn’t make you unlovable or unworthy. It just means that some
people aren’€™t very good at looking beyond their own egocentric
bubble. But the fact that you are,€“ that despite the darkness you
feel, you have the ability to share your love and light with others€“
is an incredible strength. (from the œRelationships chapter of
our book)

2. They don’t just react they respond mindfully.
A reaction is a hot, thoughtless, in-the-moment burst of emotion
that’€™s usually driven by our ego (we €™are more likely to react when
we a€™re disconnected from our rational mind). It might last just a
split second before our intuition kicks in and offers some perspective,
or it might take over to the point that we act on it. When we feel
angry or flustered after dealing with a situation or person, that’s a
sign we’€™ve reacted rather than responded mindfully. Responding
mindfully will leave you feeling like you handled things with integrity
and poise.

3. They don’t get stuck thinking the world is ending.
Sometimes the darkest times can bring you to the brightest places, your
most painful struggles can grant you the greatest growth, and the most
heartbreaking losses of relationships can make room for the most
wonderful people. What seems like a curse at the moment can actually be
a blessing in disguise, and what seems like the end of the road is
actually just the realization that you are meant to travel a different
path.

No matter how difficult things seem, there’s always hope. And no
matter how powerless you feel or how horrible things seem, you can’€™t
give up. You have to keep going. Even when it’s scary, even when all
your strength seems gone, you have to keep picking yourself back up and
moving forward, because whatever you are battling in the moment, it
will pass, and you will make it through. You’€™ve made it this far, and
you’ve felt this way before. Think about it. Remember that time
awhile back when you thought the world was ending? It didn’€™t. And it
isn’€™t ending this time either. (from the Adversity chapter of
our book)

4. They don’t tie their present emotions to past negativity.
When we’€™re in the here and now,€™ it’€™s much easier to cope with
emotions and see them as just that: emotions. If we get caught up
obsessing over the past, emotions and situations can take on new (and
untrue) meanings as they become attached to stories. For example,
imagine you just got turned down for a new job. Naturally you a€™re
disappointed. But if you a€™re not present with that emotion, and
instead try to act like a tough girl or guy by burying it, the mind
delves back into your past for all the other times you’ve felt that
way. Now you feel like a failure and you start to carry a feeling of
unworthiness into every future job interview.

When we stay present, we’€™re empowered to start fresh every moment and
we can see every situation with a sharpened perspective, which allows
us to grow beyond the negative emotions (and outcomes) standing in our
way.

5. They don’t spew hate at themselves.
When you catch yourself drowning in self-hate, you must remind yourself
that you were not born feeling this way. That at some point in the past
some person or experience sent you the message that something is wrong
with you, and you internalized this lie and accepted it as your truth.
But that lie isn’€™t yours to carry, and those judgments aren’t about
you. And in the same way that you learned to think negatively of
yourself, you can learn to think new, positive and self-loving
thoughts.

You can learn to challenge those false beliefs, strip away their power,
and reclaim your self-respect. It won’€™t be easy, and it won’€™t
transpire overnight. But it is possible. And it begins when you decide
that there has to be a better way to live, and that you deserve to
discover it. (from the €œSelf-Love€ chapter of our book).


 

Pretty cool stuff, huh?! I really liked the simple steps. Now that you know what not to do … go practice the new steps until they become second nature, until they become you!

http://www.marcandangel.com

Marc and Angel are the authors of 1000 Little Things Happy Successful
People Do Differently. Here’s their amazing list of 5 Things Emotionally
Stable People…. If you enjoy this, be sure to visit their website for
more inspirational advice and tips for life.

Can You Accept Yourself?

Can you truly accept yourself? Fully accept yourself? Just as you, today, in this moment, whatever it brings? So many of us answer a big fat Loud NO. We have all sorts of reasons we aren’t good enough and plenty of ways we could be acceptable … If we’d just ____________ (Get it together). Today lets focus on what we are doing well. 

In what area of your life are you proud of yourself? Really proud of yourself, not in service of your children, parents, employer, or anyone else. Where are you really proud of you, your actions, behaviors, commitment, follow though, etc.
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Why do you love this part of you? What’s so good about it?
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How does it make you great?
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What is a small change you can make right now, today to be a little better at this? Keep in mind sustainable change in lifestyle habits happens in small (think 10%) increments. Must be realistic within your time frame, make it specific, and measurable. This is the SMART goal principle developed by George Doran (1981). You are better off stating “I’ll eat 2 more servings of vegetables today. One at breakfast and one at dinner” rather than “I will eat more healthy today”.
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Next what are you going to do to make this change happen? Here we are looking for a change in behavior. What will you do differently?
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How was that exercise? Easy? Difficult? Were you able to find something you love about yourself? If not, I wonder why not. I may not know you and yet, I do know if you found nothing to be proud of it’s bullshit and old learning. I have seen the under belly of human experience and still find treasures there. It doesn’t have to a huge thing. We are looking for the big AND the small things. For example I was really proud of the way I used a new skill of asking questions this morning while I was talking to my husband. This mattered to me because it helped me be more effective in my communication and if I can use this skill in one more conversation today (2) and add 10% more tomorrow (2.2 conversations) soon I will be having effective communication in more than half my conversations, and then most of them before you know it. With each interaction I will feel a little more mastery (the key to building self-esteem) and pride. As I build those I begin to approve of myself more and more, leading to more and more positive change in my life. So I’ll ask you again …
What’s one thing about you, you can be proud of?
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Follow the above prompts now that you’ve found your thing. If you are still stuck … Maybe that one thing to be proud of is that you don’t give up on this exercise. ?
Know that getting stuck isn’t the problem. We all get stuck. It’s staying stuck that is. The way out of the muck is to shift your thinking. It isn’t easy if you’ve been caught In a negative rut, to turn toward the positive, drop your judgment of yourself and others, and stop listening to the negative vibes of others. Commit to yourself and work on remaining in a positive frame of thought for 10% more of your day today.
If some of these words are too strong for you right now change them to make sense for you. I challenge you to consider why not use these words?
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Does whatever holds you back from using them need to be released?
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Is it an old belief or message you can drop?
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What would happen if you did embrace words like love, great, good enough for yourself as descriptors?
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