This little visual is so true ( http://www.hplyrikz.com/post/154711428308 ) – only you can do the work of healing what you need healed in your heart.
It might take healthy relationships for practice, groups you feel authentically supported in, effort to really change your behavior, and honest reflection and acceptance of your own role in your own demise. Tough stuff.
Healing psychological wounds is hard work. A lot of people never attempt. They spend life blaming others for their problems, projecting their personal pain through judging, staying safe by creating an “us vs. them” mentality, and never challenge their own thoughts and behaviors.
If you choose to embark on the bigger challenge of becoming whole, those efforts pay off … you no longer have a gaping, bleeding wound, festering with the infection of what was. Instead, you have a scar. One that tells a story of your history, richness of character, and offers insight into why you are the person you are today. In complete fashion … whole.
Do the work… if you want – Look around your life:
Where are you behaving, judging, or thinking that something is wrong with you, another, a situation?
What are your emotions when you think about this situation?
Break them down further- If you weren’t feeling emotion X right now, what other emotion might you be feeling? (Do this until your emotions are individually clear & you have an accurate sense of what information the emotion is giving you about you, the other, the situation). Emotions are intelligence, here to give us guidance, however many use them as fact. Let go of them as fact. Refer back to older posts about emotions for more insight on using emotion effectively.
What are your beliefs about this situation?
Is this a belief that seems to thread through other events in your life?
How can you re-word this belief to create a new version that takes into account your role in the situation (e.g. I’m doing the best I can given my current circumstances).
Now add re-wording around your thoughts (I am good enough just as I am. I am doing my best to make the right choices for my goal in this moment).
Let these new thoughts drive your action. What behaviors best support the person you want to be? Is what you are doing right now moving you closer to your goal? If not, what behavior would? Are you willing to do it? If not, why not?
All these questions are in service of helping refine your vision of who and how you want to be in the world. If they are overwhelming or emotions you aren’t clear and continue to get in your way – that’s a good sign it’s time for some therapy. AND remember – everyone, I mean everyone deserves therapy! Time to talk to someone trained to deeply listen, reflect your authenticity, and non-biased in your life – just writing it makes me want it! Therapy is an amazing way to explore who you are on the path to who you want to become.